Thursday, February 7, 2008

Verno does not know what he is talking about... this time.

Today on my world-famous weekly entertainment segment on The Chris Vernon Show, the discussion came up on our Top 5 movie characters of all-time. Verno's included Doc Holiday (Val Kilmer), Cousin Eddie, Rocky, Rod Tidwell, and Dr. Evil. He claims it is non-negotiable.

We only crossed paths with Cousin Eddie from Vacation.

Before I get to my list, I will tell you why Verno's was wrong.

Let us qualify the category of "top movie characters of all-time". This means that if you are watching a movie - no matter what the movie is - and this character shows up in it, the movie is immediately better. Like, if Cousin Eddie shows up in the next Batman movie, it will still be awesome. These characters cannot be out of place.

Out of Verno's list, I can only give nods towards Cousin Eddie (who is on my list) and to Dr. Evil, who when you get right down to it, makes everything so much funnier. But as for this Doc Holiday nonsense - yes, he was a great character within that movie. However, as a transcendent character - no such luck. Fact is, no character portrayed by Val Kilmer should be considered in the top 5 of anything. Val Kilmer sucks, and that's all I have to say about it.

Rocky is not as cool as Rambo.

Rod Tidwell? Rod Tidwell? Are you kidding me, Chris? Perhaps he could turn up in another movie and steal a scene, but NO WAY does he make it in the top 5. You'd just have to think for a minute before you came up with about 20 better characters.

So, Verno's list is inherently flawed and just plain wrong. My list is much more well-thought out. In no particular order:

1. Either Reverend Brown or Randy Watson from Coming to America. Either of these guys shows up in a movie - and you're reciting lines for years to come.

2. Cousin Eddie from Vacation. Obvious reasons...

3. George McFly from Back to the Future. I claim on a consistent basis that BTTF is the quintessential pinnacle of cinematic film making. And it holds true because of characters like George McFly. I mean, everything he does in this movie is perfect and hysterical. And I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

4. Big Ern McCracken from Kingpin. The fact that Bill Murray ad-libbed almost every single line he had in this movie helps Bill get te nod here. But you put down Bill Murray from anything he's done... well, ever - and it makes a movie better.

5. And, with a change from my on-air list - sometimes you just forget about this guy as movie character, because he was pretty much just himself in everything. But if I've got to choose one, I'm going with Al Czervik from Caddyshack.

So there you have it. Now that's a list.