Thursday, February 28, 2008

J. Lo's backside just won't quit, and neither will Soulja Boy

In my now world-renowned Entertainment Segment on today's Chris Vernon Show, we discussed a very important topic of "overrated women". I was then ridiculed for my disdain for Jennifer Lopez.

Hey, there might be a lot of buzz about J. Lo's backside, but trust me, there's a reason that Ben Affleck bailed out - because he had vision. He was able to see that what was attracting all the attention would one day balloon into a massive piece of real estate that will deserve it's own direct dialing code. Yes, Jennifer Lopez' ass will one day become so big that people of the future will speak of it in almost Biblical proportions - able to carry two of each animal, etc.

Anyways, that's why I don't like Jennifer Lopez. Because I am a visionary.

My most overrated woman is Sandra Bullock. I cannot stand this woman. I think she is annoying, and that she can be a bit man-ish at times. So there.

On to my latest YouTube discovery. I had mentioned before that the Soulja Boy dance was a craze that I just couldn't comprehend. Yes, it can be a beautiful thing that brings people together, but I unfortunately am unable to participate (due to my white man's disease).

However, everyone's favorite prisoners ARE able to participate.

Enjoy.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Verno does not know what he is talking about... this time.

Today on my world-famous weekly entertainment segment on The Chris Vernon Show, the discussion came up on our Top 5 movie characters of all-time. Verno's included Doc Holiday (Val Kilmer), Cousin Eddie, Rocky, Rod Tidwell, and Dr. Evil. He claims it is non-negotiable.

We only crossed paths with Cousin Eddie from Vacation.

Before I get to my list, I will tell you why Verno's was wrong.

Let us qualify the category of "top movie characters of all-time". This means that if you are watching a movie - no matter what the movie is - and this character shows up in it, the movie is immediately better. Like, if Cousin Eddie shows up in the next Batman movie, it will still be awesome. These characters cannot be out of place.

Out of Verno's list, I can only give nods towards Cousin Eddie (who is on my list) and to Dr. Evil, who when you get right down to it, makes everything so much funnier. But as for this Doc Holiday nonsense - yes, he was a great character within that movie. However, as a transcendent character - no such luck. Fact is, no character portrayed by Val Kilmer should be considered in the top 5 of anything. Val Kilmer sucks, and that's all I have to say about it.

Rocky is not as cool as Rambo.

Rod Tidwell? Rod Tidwell? Are you kidding me, Chris? Perhaps he could turn up in another movie and steal a scene, but NO WAY does he make it in the top 5. You'd just have to think for a minute before you came up with about 20 better characters.

So, Verno's list is inherently flawed and just plain wrong. My list is much more well-thought out. In no particular order:

1. Either Reverend Brown or Randy Watson from Coming to America. Either of these guys shows up in a movie - and you're reciting lines for years to come.



2. Cousin Eddie from Vacation. Obvious reasons...



3. George McFly from Back to the Future. I claim on a consistent basis that BTTF is the quintessential pinnacle of cinematic film making. And it holds true because of characters like George McFly. I mean, everything he does in this movie is perfect and hysterical. And I will fight anyone who says otherwise.



4. Big Ern McCracken from Kingpin. The fact that Bill Murray ad-libbed almost every single line he had in this movie helps Bill get te nod here. But you put down Bill Murray from anything he's done... well, ever - and it makes a movie better.


5. And, with a change from my on-air list - sometimes you just forget about this guy as movie character, because he was pretty much just himself in everything. But if I've got to choose one, I'm going with Al Czervik from Caddyshack.



So there you have it. Now that's a list.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Lots of Attention, But for the Wrong Reason?

Great article by Chad Ford from ESPN.com on what the opportunities for the Grizzlies could have been, and that maybe Chris Wallace did sell the team short on the deal. Yes, it's an Insider article, and if you are not an Insider - you are not a real man.

Obviously, anytime that the Lakers (and Kobe) are involved in anything, it's going to get a lot of play on ESPN and the networks. So the Grizz have been getting a lot of free pub. But I think the consistent negative pub (i.e. - Stephen A. & Bill Walton) towards the team and Kwame Brown.



A bonafide scrub? Small hands? That's pretty harsh.
Surely Bill Walton will be able to put it a bit more poetically...


Epic and Historic indeed.

Some folks say that there's no such thing as bad publicity. In this case, I think the jury's still out. Obviously, our friend Chris Wallace would probably prefer that the talking heads weren't lam-basting this deal and how Memphis made a horrible move and LA made out like bandits. But the results of this deal are still out-standing in that we won't get an idea of what Memphis really got in this deal for another offseason or complete season from now.

Now that's not a whole lot of fun for Grizzlies' fans, as they are left waiting once again for any signs of improvement. And there are so many hoops left to jump through on this deal, it's just too hazy to know how Memphis came out.

Till then, we're left with Walton and Stephen A. making Kwame jokes.

Maybe the free pub will pay off.

Any thoughts, Kwame?

Doesn't look like it...

Friday, February 1, 2008

Ciao, Pau!

So they finally did it. And congrats to Verno for the scoop.

My thoughts: great move, both teams. Even though Memphis inherited Kwame Brown, they also obtained the key to their biggest shackle and gained some flexibility for the next two years.

However, I do think that this situation puts a few questions on the table:

1) How do you manage Kwame for the rest of the season? Do you invest time and effort for a future with Kwame Brown, or is it immediately communicated to Kwame that he will be with the team until the end of the season and then on his own? That's just an awkward position to be in for all sides. We'll see what they do.

2) Can Grizzlies management step up? If the team goes into the summer as-is, then they have the financial flexibility to make some offers for team development. In addition, pick up another lottery pick in a pretty fruitful class. And I love that the Grizz picked up some extra draft picks - always good kickers for trades. But it is up to the management staff to realize this opportunity. Will they do it, and what is their timeline?

3) How much longer till ownership change? I mean, is anybody even kicking tires for this stripped-down car? Autozone? FedEx? Anybody?

4) And what are they going to do with that bus with Pau's face on it?