Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Ole Miss' Long National Nightmare Almost Over?

I've said it before... Whatever Ole Miss gets, they deserve it.

Because they are only doing it to themselves.

Kyle Veazey was kind enough to report the three finalists for Ole Miss' mascot search, which Ole Miss students and alum will be voting on tomorrow.

My main point before with the Ackbar stuff was that Ole Miss was allowing (and even promoting) themselves to be made fun of. The administration has been setting the plate ever since to have their school made fun of. And the worst part is that this decision is one that will linger for years. It's not like it's a quirky coach that is embarrassing and can just be fired - this is your school mascot, a symbol of your university.

And you think that THESE options are the best way to represent your school? Holy crap.

The choices, and my quick critiques:

1) The Rebel Land Shark.

Doesn't make any sense and looks goofy, too. The only landshark I want to see is this one:

If Ole Miss' land shark doesn't walk up to coeds on the Grove and try to give them candygrams, then I'm not interested. A Rebel Land Shark?

Ole Miss fans, let's play a little game (which you should do with all of these candidates): What can you visualize, and what wouldn't be embarrassing? I am willing to bet that if you took the ferocious 'Land Shark' into a night game in Baton Rouge, by the end of the night, those drunk cajuns would be feasting on shark meat. They will laugh at you. And point. And turn to their friends and laugh some more.

Land Shark? Do you want this? Come on.

2) The Rebel Black Bear.

I've lived in the south for most of my life, and I can't say that I've ever seen a black bear outside of a zoo. But, in all honesty, I haven't been looking for them, so they may be out there.

Another problem is the Ole Miss administration decided to use the South Park Muhammad bear outfit as their potential mascot.

And how about that sun hat he's wearing? I didn't realize that black bears were so concerned about their ears getting sunburned. Maybe it's a public service thing, raising awareness for skin cancer.

Regardless, while 'Bears' isn't necessarily a poor mascot, I'm not sure what it has to do with 'Rebels'. And I'm also not sure why he has to look like he'd come and eat breakfast with your kids at a Disney resort.

3) Hotty Toddy

And here's your winner. By default, however.

Although I'm unsure as to the grey skin. Is that just for the demo purposes, and will it actually be a student? Or is it a full-body lycra suit?

I hope it's the lycra. Just another example of the influence It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia has had in our culture. And that's a good thing. Anytime you can think of Charlie Day in a skin tight neon green bodysuit, I'm for it.

And I love the grey. You know what grey is, right? Black and white, mixed together.

You see? It's all come full circle. Ole Miss has come to terms with it's divisive past, and what better way to demonstrate that they have truly changed as a university culture than to have a grey-skinned mascot. And that's important.

And most of the last few paragraphs were sarcastic.

Too bad this has all been a botched process. While it is acknowledged that Colonel Reb shouldn't have been the mascot anymore, for Ole Miss fans to be left with these choices for what will be a major symbol for their school is, in my opinion, a disaster.

After tomorrow, Ole Miss fans will be calling for a recount.